A few years ago in Australia, I was buying supplies for geological field work from Bunnings, a hardware store. As the young man at the checkout tallied up my items, which included a sledge hammer and some rolls of duct tape, he commented casually that it looked like I was preparing for the zombie apocalypse. Not being in a talkative mood, I raised my eyebrows suspiciously. But not noticing, he continued his train of thought, sharing the idea that if one were faced with a zombie apocalypse, Bunnings would definitely be the placed to be holed up. There was, he noted, so much access to useful items like sledge hammers, chain saws, chemicals, power tools. I could see his point, but equally felt myself edging away.
These last few weeks have had a bit of a zombie apocalypse vibe to them, being cooped up inside, peering out at empty streets. It probably hasn’t helped that, as a family, we’ve binge-watched a zombie series on Netflix, and there’s been an awful lot of Playstation gaming involving the gruesome deaths of, amongst other things, zombies. Yesterday, it got us talking about how Greenland would fare in the event of a zombie apocalypse. We concluded that the answer is probably remarkably well. Why?
For starters, as an island nation Greenland is easy to isolate. All cities and towns are already quite isolated from each other, with no roads between them. Greenland also has only two airlines connecting it with the outside world. One is owned by the government and the other has effectively gone bankrupt in the wake of the coronavirus situation. One needs only to switch these off, which has been done. There is also virtually no non-commercial shipping in and out of Greenland.
But more significantly, in Greenland everyone is armed. There is no shortage of access to weapons and ammunition, and people who know how to use them. You can buy a gun at the supermarket. No training or licence is required. It’s not uncommon, or of any concern, to see someone walking down the street with a rifle slung over their shoulder. In our household of two adults, we have three rifles. In fact, in any given room full of people, one would be hard pressed to find a Greenlander who didn’t know how to handle a weapon. Our secretary at work – a sweet, unassuming-looking lady – regularly goes hunting. I reckon every one of our small department of seven, could take a rifle apart, clean it, and put it back together again, no problem. And if you’re looking for someone with really good aim, I could recommend a few people in my immediate sphere of colleagues. But meanwhile, none of these people typically uses a gun for their work. It’s just a part of life.
And it doesn’t stop at guns. Butchering a range of types of animals – reindeer, muskox, birds, fish, seals, even polar bears – is also a pastime that many here are quite skilled in. And I know of a Greenlander who literally strangled a reindeer to death when she discovered that the hunting knife she had planned to use to finish it off wasn’t sharp. Greenlanders – you don’t want to mess with them.
So in a zombie apocalypse, Greenland would likely be an excellent place to be holed up. I reckon the population could as quickly take out a zombie horde as they have eradicated Covid-19, Greenland being the only country thus far to have had cases and completely recovered.
Done and dusted.
